Saturday, May 14, 2011

Acting out messaging without impacting others

I noticed something about myself recently. I often have a response to various threads in email or online. I keep these in my head mostly, think about what I might say and then don't. Sometimes however, it's hard to resist contributing, so I start to build out the response and type. Then about midway through I think to myself, "shut up", stop and delete.

I think this has something to do with acting out without impacting others with additional distraction or input. In most cases, the response is to an idea or problem. Naturally, people like to build on ideas and solve problems and so they speak up and contribute without holding back. I am the same, but as soon as there are too many people involved, I am turned off to speaking up.

I am also turned off to the thought that I consider myself simple and at an average intelligence level, so surely someone else will shortly chime in with the same thought. My input is obvious, so why bother? To my amazement, most of my input isn't shared in the same time, so I at least give an hour or two before someone chimes in, and then they do.

But I still have my point of view at the given moment,  what to do? What I end up doing is opening a reply and punch out the thought, read it to myself, and terribly I discard. Sometimes I will save it as a draft, and let it linger if I think the outcome might be worthy of being sent later. I also save as draft in case a later though arrives for inclusion.

It's really for my own benefit so I can move on and follow the next interesting thing. Somewhat like closure. I compare it to the physical, for example when aggression is acted out in the form of violence. Something is broken or harmed. That's the negative comparison, but there are positives as well. Regardless of the form, its a simple outlet.

Ironically this post was almost a direct example of the topic. This thread was in draft during the Blogger outage and was temporarily deleted before posting. I thought to revive the thread to post it from scratch, but I blew if off and accepted the closure. I decided, who cares and again told myself to "shut up". Since it was revived after my closure (see update in thread), I figured I needed to make mention of this in the post for the update prior to publishing. So please accept my apologies for not holding back.

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